“Perseverance” according to Merriam-Webster:
continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition.
The truth is that operating at this level of honesty for anyone is hard but for an addict it is a matter of life or death, it’s an imperative. White lies are the dubious luxury of normal men. Addicts have to live in an emotional “clean” house, it’s a must. The guilt that comes from deception leads eventually to shame and resentment and as it says in the Alcoholics Anonymous Basic Text on page 64, “Resentment is the number one offender” whose wicked emotions will always take the addict “back out.” It’s the emotional unbalance that will lead to drinking again and for addicts to drink is to die. It’s just that simple and the same is true for sex and love addicts. Rigorous honesty is a must. As I tell my men all the time, “your recovery is only as good as what it looks like when no one is watching.”
On page 84 it goes on to say, “We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in the understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our life time. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear.” At the end of the paragraph is says what our life goal should be, that “Love and tolerance of others is our code.” Lofty ideals for sure. No one has ever achieved perfect adherence to this principles, we are not saints. It is always pointed towards progress and never to perfection. The book goes on to say two important points on page 85, firstly that we never “rest on our laurels” and secondly that the best we can hope for “is a daily reprieve.”
In the Alcoholics Anonymous book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, in the first paragraph in the Step Ten chapter on page 88, it clearly states what I believe is the essence of all recovery. It says … “we commence to put our AA way of living in practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?” There it is, the real essence of any twelve step recovery program.
In the Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous basic text it says that we “live in a clean house, not because we want to invite someone over, but just because we like living in a clean house.” What a novel concept. Recovering addicts have to stay away from strong negative emotions like anger, fear, jealousy, guilt, remorse and shame. Those feelings create an emotional hangover that oftentimes sends the addict down the addiction rabbit hole. Even emotions like justified anger should be left to those more adept at handling it.
In the Little Red Book on page 100 it clearly says, “we safeguard our daily sobriety by frequent mental audits of our behavior and willingness to admit mistakes.” Admitting our mistakes brings us both psychological and spiritual benefits, it keeps us honest which brings us back full circle through the first nine steps. I believe that this system for sobriety and a healthy life was divinely inspired.
Whether the issue is alcohol, drugs, gambling, overeating, sex, love or any of the two hundred different kinds of 12- step fellowships, at the end of the day it’s all the same. They are just all different delivery systems for anti-social behavior and ultimately just create an unhealthy lifestyle.
As the SLAA Preamble says..
“The only qualification for SLAA membership is a desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction.”
The step work, especially when used in conjunction with the five “S’s” of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, can get you out of this frightful spot. It will guide you and sustain you in recovery.
- Sobriety. Our willingness to stop acting out in our own personal bottom-line addictive
behavior on a daily basis.
- Sponsorship and Meetings. Our capacity to reach out for the supportive fellowship within
- Steps. Our practice of the Twelve Step program of recovery to achieve sexual and
- Service. Our giving back to the SLAA community what we continue to freely receive.
- Spirituality. Our developing a relationship with a Power greater than ourselves which
can guide and sustain us in recovery.
Want a new life?
Are you ready to get off of the addiction merry-go-round?
Are you ready to become the person you always wanted to be?
There is a way out. Let’s talk. Contact me. Don’t leave before the miracle. YOU are the miracle.